ADHD is a term that I’ve been hearing a lot these days.
ADHD(Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)
It’s characterized by decreased attention, leading to distractibility and impulsiveness.
It is not considered a mental illness, but rather a developmental disorder.
My Childhood
Looking back on my childhood, I remember reading 10 or 20 books in one sitting. My mom probably thought she had given birth to a genius.
However, after entering elementary school, I stopped reading altogether and spent that time playing games.
I still don’t know if I have ADHD, but even now, if it’s not something I like, I find it difficult to sit and read.
I was able to see my elementary school report cards, and they noted that I was distracted in first and second grade. I thought the teacher wrote that because she didn’t like me.
One characteristic of ADHD is a lack of time awareness.
Even now, I often arrive late. In high school, I was punished for being late, and on one occasion, I was late three times in a row, receiving 10 lashes on the first day, 20 on the second, and 30 on the third.
Did I want to be late and get beaten? It was a long time ago, so I want to laugh about it now.
I only needed to leave 30 minutes earlier than usual, but I could never manage that.
I never feel the urge to leave quickly, and when I finally force myself to leave on time, I end up checking if I’ve forgotten something, miss my ride, and despite feeling busier than anyone else, I always end up late.
Now that I think about it, even though I lived just a 3-minute walk from school in middle school, I was often late. It was slightly better, but the distance seemed irrelevant.
My Current Self
I constantly feel pressure to wake up early and to meet my work hours.
I liked this company because the flexible working hours allowed me to focus solely on my tasks.
However, I feel like I’m drifting away from that atmosphere, and it’s mentally exhausting. I want to change jobs.
The ideal company for me would be one where everyone knows how to do their jobs well, but I feel like we’re moving further away from that ideal.
Visiting a Psychiatrist
My depression has worsened, and I’ve been suffering from insomnia. Recently, I visited a psychiatrist for the first time.
The trigger was that despite sleeping only one or two hours for two nights, I still couldn’t fall asleep.
Talking to someone who listened to my troubles made me feel a lot better.
The doctor suggested that I might have ADHD and recommended that I take an ADHD test next time.
The medication worked well. I was able to sleep soundly. After taking the medication, I could sleep deeply for eight hours. I still feel a bit dazed during the day, possibly due to the lingering effects of the medication.
It seems that I’ve also been less irritable.
However, I’m worried that if I feel spaced out at night, I might start relying too much on that medication (Xanax), so I need to learn to manage it responsibly.